Tuesday, May 02, 2006

First Yoga Class

Today I went to the first yoga session. Not surprisingly, the whole class is women. There's about 10 people total, and I'd say that one or two are about my age, while the rest are older. Our instructor told us right away that we aren't going to do "fitness yoga", which is okay by me because I more wanted to do the yoga for the mental aspects anyway. I felt pretty relaxed by the end of class, but I didn't feel like we did anything all that challenging. I don't feel like I can really turn my mind off to the point that I need to sometimes, though. I keep thinking about random things all the time. I did have one random thought that was interesting today. All of the sudden the thought, "I want to die", shot through my head. Only I didn't mean that I want to die in the way that I actually want to stop living. Just lying on the ground and imagining myself sinking into it made me think that I want to be done with who I am right now. Like I just want everything that's tied up with "me" to just cease so that I can be someone else. It's weird, I know...and kind of hard to explain. Maybe it's similar to when people fantasize about running away and starting anew. Huh...I wonder if there are many people out there that feel the same way. I wonder if that's the sort of feeling that "born again" Christians get when they're "born again"...like they're totally starting over (don't worry...I'm not going to become all hardcore Christian...I just want to start over feeling like I have some sort of purpose...).

3 comments:

guammy_bear said...

Wow. I TOTALLY GET THAT "I WANT TO DIE" BIT!

This is the most morbid/interesting thing I have ever heard you say. (Or read you wrote?) Anyway...I FEEL you 100%!!

YAY!

Not that there's anything we can do about it.

Christ.

The twenties really are a very pointless age.

guammy_bear said...

ps What is the new handicap sign by the word verification bit? It's freaking me out. I click on it but it does nothing...

Maria said...

There are lots and lots of times that I totally want to wake up and be somebody totally different than I am now.

A friend of mine swears it gets better in your thirties...