I can't seem to think linearly. I swear, my mind hops all over the place. I wish I could just focus on one thing. Here is a collection of random thoughts I've been having:
I want to believe that people are basically trustworthy, but I sort of don't think that I do.
I don't know if I'm angry to have popular culture in my life because it overwhelms the things that are actually important in life or if I'm relieved it's there because it distracts me from finding out more things that really bother me.
I've noticed that I can't pay attention to movies when I watch them alone now.
People keep telling me that I'm "midwestern" and implying that I'll be very different from other people in DC. I don't feel that I have a "midwestern" work ethic. I don't feel at home on a farm. I don't understand how exactly I am "midwestern".
I'm overly concerned about what other people think.
I never feel like I know what to say.
I wonder if I haven't gotten anything out of grad school. I wonder if it has actually made me less as a person.
I didn't recycle a glass bottle yesterday because a girl in my program told me she doesn't recycle in her house. I found out today that recycling one glass bottle is equivalent to saving the amount of energy it takes to power a 100 watt light bulb for 4 hours. I should have demanded that I take my bottle home to recycle it.
What kind of people don't recycle in their own house? (I have to admit, there have been times on the street when I've thrown a can or bottle into a regular garbage can because I can't find a recycling bin. Jake's chided me for it in the past. But I definitely recycle in my own house.) I don't fit in Eau Claire at all. I was forced to watch country music awards on tv. I can't relate to country music. I can't relate to conservatism. I can't relate to people who don't question their religion.
My mom told me once that she doesn't question whether or not Jesus is really God. I don't know if I believe her or not. Maybe she just doesn't allow herself to question it, because how can you not question it?
I don't want my mom to know that I don't believe in heaven.
I don't know if I'll ever put enough work into something to get anything out of it. It's the theme of my life. I don't know if I'm passionate about anything. I think I've tried to force passion sometimes, but it just doesn't work.
Reaching out from the void
3 years ago
3 comments:
I'm going to better about loving the environment and shit too.
Crap. I'm bad about that.
Jesus? God? I question that all the time. I don't get how other people don't...
You? Mid-western? Hmmm. Idunno about that. But I'm biased. Cuz I don't really think there is a mid-western mentality...since I don't have one.
Is there?
I wonder sometimes if I have a Midwestern way of life. I frequently wish I could have had the chance to live my life over again while living in the East, or the South, or as a rich girl in Laguna Beach, just to see how/if my personality would be different. I think it would. If it means anything to you, I can't tell that you, or anyone else around us, are particularly Midwestern. Unless, of course, it just means that we're nice, laid back, and humble. That wouldn't be so bad.
I can't believe that people would willingly refuse to recycle. I mean, Eau Claire has the program set up in place to pick up your recycling. Silly people and their being so wasteful.
I usually take a pop to work everyday and the Patent Office is horrible as far as recycling goes. You wouldn't think that would be the case for a government agency, but it is. There are no places to recycle bottles, cans, etc. on my floor. So I just take my cans back with me to recycle at home.
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