Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Isolation

I went out last night with a girl in my program. I couldn't pay attention to the conversation too well because it just all seemed so pointless to me. I don't care to sit around and talk about theses and portfolios, etc. anymore. I want social contact, but it's so irritating to me to have to constantly talk about where my career is going. Ick.

I think it's very likely that I won't see anyone from my program again. I wish I could have developed a friendship with someone. I don't know how much of me not being able to do that is my fault. I've tried to be friendly to people. I don't know if it's because of personality differences or because I've kind of been all over or what. I could email people and try to make contact later, but I doubt that I will. If I don't get an internship, I will feel that they are probably going to judge me for it. I found out that everyone except Jason and I have found positions for next year. I'm sure Jason will find one by the end of the summer, too. I'm sure that I will get talked about as the socially isolated "loser". I've heard many other snide comments about others in the program...and they all ended up with school psych positions somewhere! Whatever. I need to do my own thing to try to be happy. I don't want to care what these people think.

Maybe I have too many issues to be a good friend to anyone.

Very few people understand me.

In related news, I have a phone interview on Friday. It's for an internship in Baltimore City Public Schools. I will try my best, but right now I'm not sure if an internship is what I even really want. There will be the stress of commuting, low pay, probably no benefits, so...yeah. But I will see how it goes.

1 comment:

Ilaiy said...

At times when someone keeps speaking pointless things .. My mind just shutdowns and resumes after a while ..

./thanks
ilaiy