Tuesday, January 17, 2006

It seems that my glass is half empty

I went to the dentist this morning and they told me that I need two more fillings. Crap. I've been angry about how each one will cost $170. I'm poor and can't afford this crap. I've also been angry about how I need to buy another flight out to DC now, because I have another interview. Prince William County didn't contact me until yesterday, and now they want me to come in on February 24 to interview.

Am I a pessimist? I feel like I'm always calling up Jake to bitch about something. I could try to focus on some of the good stuff though (yeah, I never did do that gratitude journal thing)...hey, I have a better chance of getting a job because I'll have another interview. I have a printer now and don't have to run to school to print off my work. My health is generally really good. I'm not allergic to anything. I'm getting married. I'm going to move to an exciting city where lots of cool stuff happens.

But I'm always saying stuff about how I'm going to miss Wisconsin, how I'm afraid I'm becoming more distant toward my friends, how I don't want to spend the money on another airline ticket, and how I'm pissed off because I bought blue cheese dressing at the grocery store and found out that it tastes disgusting...Jake is probably tired of all my crap.

Is anger different from pessimism? Justin thinks that Jake is an angry person. Are angry people just disillusioned optimists?


Emily said...

Hey man, if you want to hear some serious bitching fly to SoKo and hang around me for a couple hours. I think I dwell too much on the negative and that makes me feel even more negative and depressed. Which is a new thing for me since normally I wouldn't consider myself a negative person (unless we're talking blood types, b/c I am O-neg...speaking of which, I was told by my co-teacher not to get a blood transfusion here b/c O-neg blood is pretty rare. Thanks, I'll keep that in mind). I guess SoKo just brings out the neg in me.

guammy_bear said...

First thing's first: Jake is an angry person? Why did Justin say that? It scares me because I pick on Jake. Will he murder me in a fit of repressed rage one day?

On negativity: I'm fully negative. Optimisim is spanky.

But I do think that were I to focus on the good things, I'd be wildly happier. Only I can't figure out how to do that. And when I am happy it feels like hypomania, you know?

Is hypomania an actual thing? Or did I make it up?

Anyway, I don't have any advice.

Excpet do the grateful journal. I've stopped doing mine actually...but for a while it was making me feel better. I'd stop in the middle of the day and go "That's totally going in the journal." And that's kind of like forced optimism, right? Cuz I was keeping a running tally on the things that made me happy. Rote memorization kind of. Then at the end of the day, I had to recall all the good things. And just to make the journal more interesting and fuller, I'd take the mundane things and put a spin on em so that they were more important than perhaps I would have had I not been keeping tabs on em.

Does that make sense?

Do the journal.

It's Oprah approved. And Martha says it's a good thing.

Elizabeth said...

I think a lot of people think that about themselves. I know I have thought that a lot in the past because the only times I could remember were times I was angry. If it helps, I don't think you're a negative person in any sense of the word.